DO YOU HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY?
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Most chronic ‘addicts’ (especially people with addictive personalities who tend to go from addiction to addiction) have two things in common. The first is that they were likely raised in dysfunctional family environments where their need for ‘connection’ were not properly met. There was inevitably a lack of patience and supportive discipline.
The second, is that they tend to become especially self destructive (and thus regress into their addictive tendencies) when they are not making progress in their life. Basically, they don’t handle boredom too well. The conundrum occurs when they also tend to be perfectionists and shy away from things they fear are likely to fail at or be blamed for. So in other words they are more likely to find themselves stuck in a rut, seeking comfort and familiarity rather than frequently challenging themselves out of their comfort zone. This in turn, creates boredom which in turn makes them self destructive.
In fact, the same patterns are true for many people – its just that addicts deal with it by obsessively numbing the feelings with their addiction. So as is the case with anxiety, depression and any other neuroses – the first step is to learn how to gradually challenge oneself to become confident in new skills to create a life of greater productivity, greater meaning and greater purpose. That’s easier said than done of course, but it is possible if you know how.
But what about the dysfunctional family issue?
Well as we grow up, our family dynamic tends to mould us. The voices of our parents tend to become ‘stuck’ in our head and we tend to replay them over and over without even realising it. During a child’s development, the more sophisticated parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex and suborbital cortex are developing. They’re soaking up the environment around them and cementing it into their brain where it stays stored and mostly stuck. Then once its stuck in there, we carry it around with us as grown ups. If this part of the brain does not develop well as a child, we tend to be more controlled by the inner, primitive parts of the brain like the amygdala which operates purely on survival instinct. Thee amygdala has no patience, no self control and just wants to feel good right now no matter what the consequence. You know when you plan to clean up, do that work or eat healthier but you end up not following through with the plan and so you feel guilt and a bit yucky? Yeah that was your amygdala driving you. And once the amygdala has stopped yelling at you and quietens down, the only voice left heard is the sad quiet voice of your poor prefrontal cortex – sobbing with guilt and shame after being bullied and beat up by your amygdala’s loud and urgent demands to ‘feel good now’.
So children exposed to a dysfunctional environment who go on to replicate those interactions will inevitably have difficulty forming healthy connections with people as an adult. They have not learned healthy personal boundaries and are inevitably prone to things like co dependency. They are likely to take things too personally, have difficulty functioning well in group environments (either because they try to control them too much or because they shy away from them) and are likely to either become psychologically manipulative (or even down right abusive) or be subjected to poor treatment by others. As a result, their needs for healthy connection with others is not met and they live every day with the quiet pain of feeling disconnected from the society around them. The role the addictive behaviour plays therefor, is to release dopamine from the brain (irrespective of whether any chemicals go into the body or not). And what that dopamine does, is to numb that pain by providing a substitute for this connection.
If you would like to learn a little bit more about addictions, behaviours and the psychological reasons behind many addictions, please download your FREE eBook above. If you would like to learn more and really start overcoming your own addictions and drug dependancy, you should grab the full book below, and if you are like most people and cant really be bothered reading you can listen to it by clicking on the link to the audio edition of 'Can an addict really change'.
The second, is that they tend to become especially self destructive (and thus regress into their addictive tendencies) when they are not making progress in their life. Basically, they don’t handle boredom too well. The conundrum occurs when they also tend to be perfectionists and shy away from things they fear are likely to fail at or be blamed for. So in other words they are more likely to find themselves stuck in a rut, seeking comfort and familiarity rather than frequently challenging themselves out of their comfort zone. This in turn, creates boredom which in turn makes them self destructive.
In fact, the same patterns are true for many people – its just that addicts deal with it by obsessively numbing the feelings with their addiction. So as is the case with anxiety, depression and any other neuroses – the first step is to learn how to gradually challenge oneself to become confident in new skills to create a life of greater productivity, greater meaning and greater purpose. That’s easier said than done of course, but it is possible if you know how.
But what about the dysfunctional family issue?
Well as we grow up, our family dynamic tends to mould us. The voices of our parents tend to become ‘stuck’ in our head and we tend to replay them over and over without even realising it. During a child’s development, the more sophisticated parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex and suborbital cortex are developing. They’re soaking up the environment around them and cementing it into their brain where it stays stored and mostly stuck. Then once its stuck in there, we carry it around with us as grown ups. If this part of the brain does not develop well as a child, we tend to be more controlled by the inner, primitive parts of the brain like the amygdala which operates purely on survival instinct. Thee amygdala has no patience, no self control and just wants to feel good right now no matter what the consequence. You know when you plan to clean up, do that work or eat healthier but you end up not following through with the plan and so you feel guilt and a bit yucky? Yeah that was your amygdala driving you. And once the amygdala has stopped yelling at you and quietens down, the only voice left heard is the sad quiet voice of your poor prefrontal cortex – sobbing with guilt and shame after being bullied and beat up by your amygdala’s loud and urgent demands to ‘feel good now’.
So children exposed to a dysfunctional environment who go on to replicate those interactions will inevitably have difficulty forming healthy connections with people as an adult. They have not learned healthy personal boundaries and are inevitably prone to things like co dependency. They are likely to take things too personally, have difficulty functioning well in group environments (either because they try to control them too much or because they shy away from them) and are likely to either become psychologically manipulative (or even down right abusive) or be subjected to poor treatment by others. As a result, their needs for healthy connection with others is not met and they live every day with the quiet pain of feeling disconnected from the society around them. The role the addictive behaviour plays therefor, is to release dopamine from the brain (irrespective of whether any chemicals go into the body or not). And what that dopamine does, is to numb that pain by providing a substitute for this connection.
If you would like to learn a little bit more about addictions, behaviours and the psychological reasons behind many addictions, please download your FREE eBook above. If you would like to learn more and really start overcoming your own addictions and drug dependancy, you should grab the full book below, and if you are like most people and cant really be bothered reading you can listen to it by clicking on the link to the audio edition of 'Can an addict really change'.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL EDITION
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CAN AN ADDICT REALLY CHANGE
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